The People of the Tail
With that knowledge, we can devote our energies towards worries that should worry us, such as zombie infestations, demonic possession, voices beamed through space and of course, witches.
The Minky Menace
The Minkies are a clandestine race, with a dirty agenda. Lurking mostly in the forests and parks, Minkies appear as armored cylinders which mostly lie underfoot to waylay passerby and befoul places of nature.
Most times, they wear advertising from the Mundo to differentiate themselves from other tribesminkies. To the untrained, they look like empy soda or beer cans.
Be that as it may, it is imperative that all Tar Shakanians carefully scan their surroundings at all times, looking for the Minkies. If one is spotted, you must smash it with a club, baseball bat, tree branch or other such. Once disabled, place it in the trash receptacle.
The Minky is clever and many times will make no motion. DO NOT BE FOOLED! Unsuspecting people have been observed picking up an unsmashed Minky and depositing it in the trash receptacle. BIG MISTAKE! An unsmashed Minky is able to deliver an odorless, tasteless, invisible burst of gas upon its adversary which will lead to all kinds of CHRONIC PHYSICAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, and SPIRITUAL AILMENTS! Always SMASH the MINKY! Only in this way will you be safe.
There is a new model of Minky that has appeared in greater and greater numbers over the past years. They are armored in plastic Kevlar armor which is stronger and more able to absorb damage from smash implements. DO NOT ease your VIGILANCE until the Minkey is SMASHED!
It is best to start with their physical description. The head of the vojob is directly connected to its ass. The vojob has been said to have sh*t for brains and its head is up its ass. It smells of excrement and rotten cabbage. It is a spindly creature, physically weak. Its intelligence is low. What passes for wit is not sharp, actually as un-sharp as a dull thumbtack. It has a shadow in the nether regions. It is, however, not a shadow but a very, very small reproductive organ.
The vojob is nearly microscopic in size until it readies to pounce. At that time, it sh*ts into its head, over and over again so that it swells up like a balloon. Thus the saying that the Vojob is full of sh*t. For this reason, many call them sh*theads.
Morally and ethically, they are the antithesis of all that good Discordians value and treasure. Their aims are unclear except when they prime for combat. In combat, they are mindless, seeking only to inflict pain and filth. And like all pests, their nails and the few teeth that they possess are sharp. Do not underestimate them, especially when they have grown out of microscopic mode, and have filled with sh*t.
Additionally, a vojob might enter a state called billsh*t collector mode. The vojob will deluge a victim with countless amounts of "bills", written demands for payment for diverse reasons such as the breathing of vojob air, such air having a purchase option held in all legal strength by the vojob. Vojobs have sent "bills" for leaving marks on the earth, looking in a direction without permission, not praising them enough, etc. When someone receives a "bill", it is said that the victim has been "bill-sh*tted" or that he has received a dose of "bill-sh*t."
The reputed prime progenitor Vojob is the Cold One, the First Vojob of the House of Vojob. Unlike his reputed progeny, he is of non-microscopic size, yet totally filled with sh*t. His girth rises and falls within the sh*t cycle. It is believed that at Large Sh*tty Girthiness, his miniscule minions leap from his body and scurry into their lurking places. He is also reputedly responsible for the annoying mannerism of starting billsh*t. He delights in clogging the system.
The vojob is nearly microscopic in size until it readies to pounce. At that time, it sh*ts into its head, over and over again so that it swells up like a balloon. Thus the saying that the Vojob is full of sh*t. For this reason, many call them sh*theads.
Morally and ethically, they are the antithesis of all that good Discordians value and treasure. Their aims are unclear except when they prime for combat. In combat, they are mindless, seeking only to inflict pain and filth. And like all pests, their nails and the few teeth that they possess are sharp. Do not underestimate them, especially when they have grown out of microscopic mode, and have filled with sh*t.
Additionally, a vojob might enter a state called billsh*t collector mode. The vojob will deluge a victim with countless amounts of "bills", written demands for payment for diverse reasons such as the breathing of vojob air, such air having a purchase option held in all legal strength by the vojob. Vojobs have sent "bills" for leaving marks on the earth, looking in a direction without permission, not praising them enough, etc. When someone receives a "bill", it is said that the victim has been "bill-sh*tted" or that he has received a dose of "bill-sh*t."
The reputed prime progenitor Vojob is the Cold One, the First Vojob of the House of Vojob. Unlike his reputed progeny, he is of non-microscopic size, yet totally filled with sh*t. His girth rises and falls within the sh*t cycle. It is believed that at Large Sh*tty Girthiness, his miniscule minions leap from his body and scurry into their lurking places. He is also reputedly responsible for the annoying mannerism of starting billsh*t. He delights in clogging the system.