Wildlands Claimed by RWMP for the Throne of Tar Shakan
A Total of 8 Wildlands Were Claimed. And this is how it happened:
IN RESPONSE TO NO RESPONSE, THE RWMP I ISSUED THE FOLLOWING:
Lord Melville: Nothing. We have no response. No interest. No information. We have no exploration, riches, treasure, not contact with new civilizations, no ancient forgotten knowledge, nothing. Lord Reesly: I say old man, keep a stiff upper lip and pip, pip and all that jolly stuff. We just have to go to Plan Two. Lord Melville: Plan Two? Lord Reesly: Toppin has all the details. He should be around shortly. Lord Toppin: Hello all. Waiting long? Lord Melville: Long enough. What's the contingency plan, Toppin? Lord Toppin: Quite elementary, my dear Melville. With no further ado, I will shortly proclaim a proclamation which will be more satisfying than making tracks in the sand, playing our anthem to a tree or just not getting my way, dammit. So, with just that little ado: I, Baron St. Toppin, Major of the 1st Expeditionary Force of the Royal Madcap Peregrinators, Astride Company of the 1st Infantry Battalion, do claim this uninhabited E-space in the name of His Royal Majesty, Magnus5 Baghataur the Braut, King under Goddess, and under suspicion, of Tar Shakan.
Temper Rye! Make the Fries! Doo Dah!
[All voice join]: Temper Rye! Make the Fries! Doo Dah! This Proclamation was pronounced 4 times. The 4 Wildlands are unnamed at this time. |
IN RESPONSE TO NO RESPONSE, OR UNSATIFACTORY RESPONSE, THE RWMP II ISSUED THE FOLLOWING:
Lord Yukon: Well all right then, one brief encounter with a native who burped. These people either don’t understand our languages or are primitive and slow.
OR Lord Yukon: Well all right then, no contact. Not a peep. This one might be uninhabited. But if this one is inhabited, then the people either don’t understand our languages or are primitive and slow. THEN: Lord Brekshire: No, Yukon. I have it on good authority that these people have a history of conquest and Lord Yukon: Stop Brekshire, just stop. Did you forget that besides being the leader of our expedition, I am also a Pope of our Lady of Mayhem. I am an authority who is not under the authority of the authorities. So your “good” authority doesn’t hold spit in my book. It’s all hearsay, innuendo and rumor. Now that that is settled, let us look to the matter at hand, shall we? We know that they are primitive indigenous people with likely very little culture or impressive public works. What should we do? Sir Mihail: Uh, teach them? Lord Yukon: Precisely, Sir Mihail. We will guide them, help them manage their natural resources, instill discipline if we must and bring them into the modern age. But what do we have to do first? Anyone? Lord Brekshire: Oh, I know! Pick me! Pick me! Lord Yukon: Okay Brekshire, what do we do? Lord Brekshire: We go in with swords drawn and….fire! We bring fire! Lord Yukon: No Brekshire, think. Primitive indigenous people have no concept of land ownership. Without our benevolent assistance, their primitive slash and burn agriculture will destroy this eco-system in a matter of a few years. So we claim this land in the name of our king. If they object forcefully, that’s when we think about bringing out the swords and flames. Sir Mihail: My Lord, the thought of such rampant ignorance tears at my heart, especially for the women with their tender souls. With your permission, I would like to set up a woman’s shelter. Lord Yukon: Very noble, Sir Mihail. Granted. Okay, let me get this done so we can move on with our lives. I, Baron Yukon, Pope of Our Lady of Mayhem and Lt. Col of the 2nd Expeditionary Force of the Royal Wandering Madcap Peregrinators, Alpo Company of the 2nd Infantry Battalion, do hereby claim this Land in the Name of His Royal Majesty, Magnus5 Baghataur the Braut, King of Tar Shakan and of all other Royal Realms and Territories and Wildlands,by the Grace of HER, the nutty one, Defender of the Fifth and et cetera. I name this land, the Wildlands of Nova Romayukon. OR I name this land, the Wildlands of Yuimaginationskon. OR I name this land, the Wildlands of Koryunis Federakon. OR I name this land, the Wildlands of Talossakon Yuassakon. Sergant Major, you may place the flag. |
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