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Botella de Cola Edition Issue 13
The management of Spit News is proud to offer regional coverage of News from the capital, Botela de Cola and breaking news from all around Tar Shakan, (when available).
ICU Signed!
Sir Darby of Longsoap, Duly Tasked Confidant and Charge D'affaires by warrant under the King's Sign-manual and leader of the Tar Shakanian Diplomatic Corp, has successfully negotiated an I C U between the Realm of Tar Shakan and the Kingdom of Ourania. The speed of the negotiations amazed many, the same many that were and in some cases, are healing from the Fiery Arrival of Ourania's Foreign Minister a short time past.
Audience Planned
Official Release from the Palace: His Royal Majesty, King Magnus V etc. is pleased as punch with the quick diplomatic progress between the Realm of Tar Shakan and the Kingdom of Ourania. He has graciously given his assent to the idea of conducting a Royal Audience so that he can meet His Excellency Stephen Vaughan, !RSVP!, Foreign Minister of Ourania.
Mayoral Investigative Teams Investigate
Secret and highly trained Mayoral Investigative Teams were dispatched in response to a heightened alert regards to Manghan Slued activities. This following the attempted extortion attempt on the Mayor, Pro Tem, Pro Lem, Sir Alonzo Lemfry just prior to the Arrival. A separate investigation was launched into the missing clipboard of Sir Memsfred. When asked for details, Sir Memsfred had this to say, " We finally got some pages fer me clipboard, an' someone done stole me clipboard. Pages without a clipboard. And that's a shame!"
The highly inconspicuous Investigative Teams are focusing their efforts on fact gathering at the Old Nelly Pub and Grill till the early hours of the morning.
Obbay Orsolong Tries to Rain on Armoured Hot Dog Picnic
Sir Mervin, Sir Jerold and Sir Escannor held a demo picnic in the City Park. Free Picnic Food was made available to the public and Sir Mervin gave tips and pointers on how best to play picnic games. He was interrupted by a group known as Obbay Orsolong. "Knights don't sit at picnics. Knights don't do sack races in armor. Knights undertake noble quests! Get it right or get out!"
Before the Armoured Hot Dogs could respond, an angry crowd began throwing eggs, water balloons, horseshoes and rocks at the group of Orsolongers. Facing such a resistance, they fled. When asked for his opinion on the matter, Sir Mervin said," Pity the petty souls that treasure not the Picnic. And pity the timing. They interrupted before my Jart throwing demo. I'm sure I could have pegged a few with my Jarts, even on the fly."
Doomsayer Pong
City Watchman were called to witness a strange occurrence. A Doomsayer of the Glarkian Prophecies was running himself ragged to the point of exhaustion. It seems that two unidentified knights were standing at the corners of their respective blocks, shouting out Vows of Actions. As soon as the Doomsayer pronounced his Glarkian Prophecy on one Vow, he had to run to the end of the block, to pronounce Doom on the others Vow. Back and Forth he ran, as the knights had no lack of imaginative vows.
Many of the bystanders were placing wagers on how long it would be before the Doomsayer collapsed. Their hopes and betting line collapsed when each knight gave a directly contradictory Vow. It seems that the Doomsayer could not process pronouncing doom on both a pro and a con Vow. He fell to the ground frothing. The Watch removed sharp coins from his pockets to avoid further injury. Technicians from Simply Mabel's Salon soon arrived and whisked the Doomsayer away.
Congestion Strikes E 9th Saint
Pedestrians along E 90th St have complained of the congestion due to the recently finished construction of the Tar Shakan Council of Foreign Relations and Response. Many residents are loitering within the ground floor of the building and spilling out onto the thoroughfare. Some have set up indoor picnics for their families. Also two youth social groups, not to be confused with gangs, played a challenge round of Colf within the building. Many sightseers, picnickers and loiterers were subsequently hit and injured by the hard ball used in Colf. A free for all soon ensued. The City Watch was reluctant to stop the melee. One Watchman said, " We don't know the rules to the game. For all we know, this is how it's played." As stray coins began to hit the polished marble floor, the Watch was galvanized into action and chased everyone out.
Plans to Honor Firefighter Hero Scrapped
The Office of the Mayor confirmed that plans for a great parade and honoring ceremony for Herr Rictor, a mysterious and slightly creepy man who miraculously kept Botela de Cola from burning to the ground, has indeed been scrapped.
A spokesman said, " He never responded to our repeated requests, at least not after he told us no the first time. And besides, we were having a hard time finding people with a nice word to say about him, other than saving the city, that is."
Niles Appears, and Appears to Like Picnics
A man appeared in a market square dressed in sack-cloth and spake thusly, “I am the Niles. I am sorely vexed within my spirit. I am vexed by sores throughout my body. I am sore! For my comfort, I look to Mundo philosophers for wisdom, guidance and balm. Think upon these most famous words and twist them within your brain as they twist within mine, every minute of every day. Taste the wisdom, drink of enlightenment, hear truth and see the light."You bring your own weather to the Picnic" Ask the Holy Stalwarts of that Most Silly Order of the Armoured Hot Dog if they agree with Harlan Coban of the Mundo. And if they do, why? Why? Ask yourself that! Remember the words of Mundo Zooey Deschanel, " Nothing's better than a picnic." Why art thou not picknicking? Why? I am the Niles. I shall return.” Many people were impressed, clapped their hands and yelled, "Picnic! Picnic!"