Back
NOT FOR PUBLICATION: We heartily applaud your premier issue. Totally in the spirit of lulling the masses, yet supplying high quality news for less. Important:
Do Not PUBLISH THIS: There is a distressing lack of foot traffic that actually responds to anything of Tar Shakan. Few visitors, few mail and little hope. So play it up OPPOSITE this. Also, don't mention the street gangs. Given under my hand and seal, Sir Darby of Longsoap Inn of High Hopes to OpenThe final finishing touches to the Inn of High Hopes was recently finished, naturally. Built to accommodate the tremendous influx of visitors, the proprietor, Sir Memfred has High Hopes.
When asked about the number of beds, he replied,"Some other bloke keeps track of that. But on me clipboard is spaces for at least 40 pillows. That's a lot." More Smores, pleaseLove those Smores! Overenthusiastic smores chefs inadvertently set a temporarily unoccupied building afire. The building was not abandoned as rumored. And there was no civil unrest at all.
|
Confirmation of SuccessA recent message: "Love the Clown show!" So do we anonymous message writer, so do we. PUBLISH THIS.
Visitors are Polite, IndeedThe people of Botella de Cola are heartened by the politeness of the crowds of new visitors to the city. Tiptoeing through the freshly washed neighborhoods, not uttering a peep. Now that's class! PUBLISH THIS
Queen Finds DoilyThe Queen found a favorite doily today. There was much happiness and rejoicing in the Palace of Tortuga. PUBLISH THIS.
Chim-Chimney IndeedThe chimney sweeps of Botella de Cola performed an impromptu Swan Lake on the roofs of our fair city. They certainly are happy.
Grand Sack Race Preparations BeginAnticipation is high for the upcoming Grand Sack Race scheduled for later this year.
Asked about the numbers expected to turn out for this prestigious event, the event Co-Ordinator Sir Memsfred had this to say,"How many have registered? Some other guy is in charge of tracking that. But on me clipboard we have a list of 703 sacks. That's a lot." |
Mundo Dirt Claimed By Tar Shakan
Everyone in Botella de Cola is certainly impressed by the Recent and Masterfullly Written Letters Patton claiming new dirt for the Glory of Tar Shakan.
Planners are having a field day, making lists of fun things we can do on these piles of dirt. Boat rides are definitely a possibility. Field Day a Giant SuccessLots of Lists were written on a fun packed fun day on an impromptu field day for City Planners
King Takes Needed NapThe King took an impromptu, yet well deserved nap. Reports that he repeatedly banged his head on a door jam until he fell unconscious is unfounded.
Zombie Myth DebunkedRecent rumors of Zombie Incursions were proven beyond all shadow of a doubt to be the Exaggeration of Fearful Fools.
In talking with a pea miner known only as Phil, in the County of Bluk, where the center of the alleged zombie activity allegedly occurred, it was definitively proven that the allegations were incorrect.
He said, "Zombies? I didint see any zombies. But in the forward shaft of mine 3, we found bones, lotsa, lotsa bones, wrigglin like little white snakes. Hand bones was crawlin like up the sides of the shaft!" Phil definitely didn't see any zombies. And that is a relief. |