Not For PublicationWe need a Positive Presence within Tar Shakan during these Times of Glarkness. This is a perfect time to supply the news of the day with a spin sympathetic to the Crown. With the keyboards idle at "All the News That's Fit to Spit" and the disappearance of "Ralphing Up Royal and The Rest", we can get that HAPPY Exposure that we haven't had in the past.
We will feed you approved stories designed to uplift the spirits, point the attention in the direction that we want and to downplay all the doom and gloom. We will mark such items PUBLISH THIS. Given under my own hand and seal. Sir Darby of Longsoap. Songs to the QueenYoung children spontaneously gathered at Tortuga Palace today, to sing songs to their Queen. The Queen appeared to be quite touched and a small tear of appreciation gleamed in her left eye.
PUBLISH THIS. Interior Decorating by MoonlightThe King and Queen continue to make a racket, moving furniture throughout Tortuga Palace. With a packed social calendar and time at a premium, any reasonable person could see why there is so much noise at night. Any suggestion that forces of the King and Queen are battling it out through the halls in what many toe-jam scuzzies are calling the Night War is just so much Sour Spit.
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Lavish Party and ParadeThe Royal Capital of Botela de Cola threw a lavish party and parade to commemorate how well the Realm is getting on. No Sign of Glarkness here. The parade organizer, Sir Memfred had this to say," It's all on me clipboard. There's the spots for the floats - here's where the marching band is - here's where the dignatories go."
When asked about the dignatories, Sir Membred said," Some other Bloke is in charge of that. But I've got a lot of room on my clipboard, so there's gotta be a lot of them. Only stands to reason, dont'ch know." Lords of Fulcrum Distribute SurplusThe Lords of Fulcrum continue to distribute food, not as some relief effort to keep a failing kingdom from starvation, but as a friendly giving back to the community. Tar Shakan farmers are so good that excess food stuffs are being given away, so that we can keep our own stores full for a rainy day. What could be finer than that? PUBLISH THIS.
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The City Celebrates Balloon DayToday, the Department of Balloons gave away balloons to any and all to celebrate just how good everyone is feeling.
We asked the Event Co-ordinator, Sir Memfred, how many ballons were let loose. "Numbers of balloons? Some other bloke tracks that. If you look on my clipboard, I've got 300 slots available for ballon sign up. Yep, that's a lot."
Clarification from the PalaceWhat many people thought was drool oozing from His Majesty's mouth, is in fact a localized form of sweat. A barber in residence said," The King works so hard for all of us, he sweats. But his head is kinda squishy so it all travels to his mouth. But he's a smart as a top, he is. And no drool here."
Smiley Faced Cretins ExplainedEveryone in Tar Shakan is so happy. Some are so happy that their faces are wearing out from holding those smiles. They cleverly designed costume masks which will perpetually show their happiness. They are also helping build a new entertainment structure within the city. So if you see a smiley faced cretin, throw rocks at him. He will appreciate it.
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