LY: HELLO! HELLO! DON’T BE AFRAID. WE COME IN PEACE! DO……YOU…..UNDERSTAND…..ME?
LB: Snoodle barf, Yukon. I don’t think “shouting” will make this any clearer or help them understand.
Lord Yukon: I’m just trying to relay our good intentions. Hey, Sir Mihail. Get over here. We’re going to run a dual translation. Use some of that trade lingo.
Sir Mihail: Roger that.
Lord Yukon: WE COME IN PEACE, ALWAYS. WE HAVE A ROYAL CHARTER FROM HIS ROYAL MAJESTY KING ST. MAGNUS5
BAGHATAUR THE BRAUT TO EXPLORE AND SHARE INFORMATION WITH OUR NEIGHBORS.
Sir Mihail: Lord Yukon, I’m not going to “SHOUT”. I hate all caps. Okay, here goes……Lookee, Lookee. We be GoodGuy, GoodGuy, WhiteHats, Smiley, Smiley. Big Chief sayum Hokay Dokey talkum you. Sabey? Gottem stuff for youse guys. Youse guys GoodGuys?
Sabey?
Lord Yukon: You know, I’m tired of shifting for the caps.
LB: Use cap lock.
Lord Yukon: Look, I never said I was an expert. For the life of me, where in the hell is Sir Chitry? He’s supposed to be my adjutant. He
should be typing this.
LB: Oh, Wasp Balls, get on with it Yukon. Get the intro done so I can ask my questions.
Lord Yukon: All right! All right! We want to learn about you and your people, your land and in return we will tell you the story of
our people.
Sir Mihail: Talkum youse. Talkum tribe. Talkum Wimmin
O
()()
LL sabey?
Gottum wampum for youse guys.
Wimmin
O
()()
LL wampum. Sabey? Chop Chop quick wampum. Smiley. Smiley. Talkum GoodGuy WhiteHat.
Lord Yukon: We have men and women of great learning who wish to ask a few questions. The next speaker will be Lord Brekshire, to lay the groundwork for our communication.
Sir Mihail: Gottem
guys. Gottem wimmins.
O
l
LL
Ack! Ack! DogButt wimmins. Sabey scroll, sabey spirits, sabey sabey. Lord Brekshire talkum you. You talcum Lord Brekshire.
Hokey Dokey talkem guys of scrolls, talcum wimmins of DogButt.
Lord Brekshire: Oh Great Hares of Hell! Finally. First, ladies and gentlemen, I have been charged with keeping a high level of sensitivity in our dealings with these people. Beginnings are such fragile things. All but Sir Mihail and a guard will need to leave. I will hit send when this part of our talk is done and we can all wait for their response.
Lord Brekshire: Okay Sir Mihail, you type right after me. Translate exactly what I type. I have some inside information from my superiors on exactly how this needs to progress.
Sir Mihail: Roger that.
Lord Brekshire: I am Lord Brekshire, Holy Angel sent by the Gods! I control Great Magics! I kill with my eyes! I control fire!
All my enemies fade to dust! But I am compassionate. You are all my Children. Tell me – Who talks for your tribe?
Sir Mihail: He is Lord Brekshire. Lookey Lookey. GoodGuy GoodGuy. Ack! Ack! BlackHat BlackHat. Bossman Wasptongue. BlackHat Boss sayum humpy humpy you. Smiley Smiley. Sabey? Magick! OOOOH! Fillem up Big Bunny Poop. Eyes fillem up
specklebrownvomit. Fire burnum his ass! Raw DogButt. Smiley Smiley. Him BadGuys smiley smiley. Ha Ha! Big Jag! Sabey?
Heart fillem up SnoodleStomachSpit. No frens. No frens. Sabey? Eatum you kids.
Askum Top Dog youse guys. Sabey?
Lord Brekshire: Do you own this land? How large is it?
Sir Mihail: Youse guys gottum dirt? Big Dirt? Little Dirt?
Lord Brekshire: We will give you beautiful beads for some land.
Sir Mihail: Gottum wampum. Stinky smelly. Smiley Smiley. Takem land chop chop youse guys. Me fren. Lookum wimmin.
O
()()
LL Pretty Princess me fren whole life. Lovey Lovey all night long. Lovem longtime GI.
Lord Brekshire: Tell me about your Great Spirits.
Sir Mihail: Talkum Gods! Talkum Goddesses! No sabey youse. Smiley Smiley. Gettum Witchhunter chop chop.
Teachum youse people of small dirt one thing two thing or two thing. ButtStinger youse Butt. BlackHat Spirit.
Sabey?
Lord Brekshire: Can you estimate the number of streets you have? Can you give me list of names?
Sir Mihail: Youse in light cemented? Youse sabey Lost Streets? They be who?
Lord Brekshire: Tell me of your native animals. What do you think of dogs?
Sir Mihail: Talkum furcritters. Talkum scalycritters. Talkum etceteracritters. Sabey dogs? Fren of tribes.
Fren of peoples. Bestest critter. GI lovem you long time.
Lord Brekshire: Wasps? Have you seen any? Can you summon them through your shamanistic arts?
Sir Mihail: Wapses. Evil Wapses. Cuidado las llamas y wapses! You sabey BlackHat magic for Wapses?
Lord Brekshire: Anything unusual about your squirrels?
Sir Mihail: Talkum squirrels. Talkum crittersquirrels. Talkum People of the Tail. Sabey?
Lord Brekshire: How about rabbits?
Sir Mihail: Sabey bunnycritter? Sabey rabbitcritter? Sabey harecritter? Sabey bunny mojo? Sabey chop chop power? BlackHat WhiteHat nonevermind? U Wascal Wabbit?
Lord Brekshire: What other peoples do you know? Are they your friends or your enemies?
Sir Mihail: Sabey tribes of dirt? Sabey peoples of dirt? Sabey names? Peoples smiley smiley GoodGuys?
Lord Brekshire: Do you have a meeting place or center of learning?
Sir Mihail: Lookum for sitdown of frens. Lookum for scroll shack. Gottem? Sabey? Me lookum
wimmin.
O
()()
LL Me lookum Quill Cutie chop chop. Sabey?
Lord Brekshire: Remember that I am All Powerfull! Answer my questions truthfully and quickly lest ye provoke my wrath!
Sir Mihail: Stingertooth. Ack! Ack! Blah Blah Blah with teeth! He needum BabySpank Youse guys. Me lookum wimmin
O
()()
LL
.
Me gottem wampum! Me fren. Me no needum BabySpank. Talkum next. Hokay Dokey. Chop Chop.
Lord Brekshire: Well that’s that. Let join the others and wait for their response.
LB: Snoodle barf, Yukon. I don’t think “shouting” will make this any clearer or help them understand.
Lord Yukon: I’m just trying to relay our good intentions. Hey, Sir Mihail. Get over here. We’re going to run a dual translation. Use some of that trade lingo.
Sir Mihail: Roger that.
Lord Yukon: WE COME IN PEACE, ALWAYS. WE HAVE A ROYAL CHARTER FROM HIS ROYAL MAJESTY KING ST. MAGNUS5
BAGHATAUR THE BRAUT TO EXPLORE AND SHARE INFORMATION WITH OUR NEIGHBORS.
Sir Mihail: Lord Yukon, I’m not going to “SHOUT”. I hate all caps. Okay, here goes……Lookee, Lookee. We be GoodGuy, GoodGuy, WhiteHats, Smiley, Smiley. Big Chief sayum Hokay Dokey talkum you. Sabey? Gottem stuff for youse guys. Youse guys GoodGuys?
Sabey?
Lord Yukon: You know, I’m tired of shifting for the caps.
LB: Use cap lock.
Lord Yukon: Look, I never said I was an expert. For the life of me, where in the hell is Sir Chitry? He’s supposed to be my adjutant. He
should be typing this.
LB: Oh, Wasp Balls, get on with it Yukon. Get the intro done so I can ask my questions.
Lord Yukon: All right! All right! We want to learn about you and your people, your land and in return we will tell you the story of
our people.
Sir Mihail: Talkum youse. Talkum tribe. Talkum Wimmin
O
()()
LL sabey?
Gottum wampum for youse guys.
Wimmin
O
()()
LL wampum. Sabey? Chop Chop quick wampum. Smiley. Smiley. Talkum GoodGuy WhiteHat.
Lord Yukon: We have men and women of great learning who wish to ask a few questions. The next speaker will be Lord Brekshire, to lay the groundwork for our communication.
Sir Mihail: Gottem
guys. Gottem wimmins.
O
l
LL
Ack! Ack! DogButt wimmins. Sabey scroll, sabey spirits, sabey sabey. Lord Brekshire talkum you. You talcum Lord Brekshire.
Hokey Dokey talkem guys of scrolls, talcum wimmins of DogButt.
Lord Brekshire: Oh Great Hares of Hell! Finally. First, ladies and gentlemen, I have been charged with keeping a high level of sensitivity in our dealings with these people. Beginnings are such fragile things. All but Sir Mihail and a guard will need to leave. I will hit send when this part of our talk is done and we can all wait for their response.
Lord Brekshire: Okay Sir Mihail, you type right after me. Translate exactly what I type. I have some inside information from my superiors on exactly how this needs to progress.
Sir Mihail: Roger that.
Lord Brekshire: I am Lord Brekshire, Holy Angel sent by the Gods! I control Great Magics! I kill with my eyes! I control fire!
All my enemies fade to dust! But I am compassionate. You are all my Children. Tell me – Who talks for your tribe?
Sir Mihail: He is Lord Brekshire. Lookey Lookey. GoodGuy GoodGuy. Ack! Ack! BlackHat BlackHat. Bossman Wasptongue. BlackHat Boss sayum humpy humpy you. Smiley Smiley. Sabey? Magick! OOOOH! Fillem up Big Bunny Poop. Eyes fillem up
specklebrownvomit. Fire burnum his ass! Raw DogButt. Smiley Smiley. Him BadGuys smiley smiley. Ha Ha! Big Jag! Sabey?
Heart fillem up SnoodleStomachSpit. No frens. No frens. Sabey? Eatum you kids.
Askum Top Dog youse guys. Sabey?
Lord Brekshire: Do you own this land? How large is it?
Sir Mihail: Youse guys gottum dirt? Big Dirt? Little Dirt?
Lord Brekshire: We will give you beautiful beads for some land.
Sir Mihail: Gottum wampum. Stinky smelly. Smiley Smiley. Takem land chop chop youse guys. Me fren. Lookum wimmin.
O
()()
LL Pretty Princess me fren whole life. Lovey Lovey all night long. Lovem longtime GI.
Lord Brekshire: Tell me about your Great Spirits.
Sir Mihail: Talkum Gods! Talkum Goddesses! No sabey youse. Smiley Smiley. Gettum Witchhunter chop chop.
Teachum youse people of small dirt one thing two thing or two thing. ButtStinger youse Butt. BlackHat Spirit.
Sabey?
Lord Brekshire: Can you estimate the number of streets you have? Can you give me list of names?
Sir Mihail: Youse in light cemented? Youse sabey Lost Streets? They be who?
Lord Brekshire: Tell me of your native animals. What do you think of dogs?
Sir Mihail: Talkum furcritters. Talkum scalycritters. Talkum etceteracritters. Sabey dogs? Fren of tribes.
Fren of peoples. Bestest critter. GI lovem you long time.
Lord Brekshire: Wasps? Have you seen any? Can you summon them through your shamanistic arts?
Sir Mihail: Wapses. Evil Wapses. Cuidado las llamas y wapses! You sabey BlackHat magic for Wapses?
Lord Brekshire: Anything unusual about your squirrels?
Sir Mihail: Talkum squirrels. Talkum crittersquirrels. Talkum People of the Tail. Sabey?
Lord Brekshire: How about rabbits?
Sir Mihail: Sabey bunnycritter? Sabey rabbitcritter? Sabey harecritter? Sabey bunny mojo? Sabey chop chop power? BlackHat WhiteHat nonevermind? U Wascal Wabbit?
Lord Brekshire: What other peoples do you know? Are they your friends or your enemies?
Sir Mihail: Sabey tribes of dirt? Sabey peoples of dirt? Sabey names? Peoples smiley smiley GoodGuys?
Lord Brekshire: Do you have a meeting place or center of learning?
Sir Mihail: Lookum for sitdown of frens. Lookum for scroll shack. Gottem? Sabey? Me lookum
wimmin.
O
()()
LL Me lookum Quill Cutie chop chop. Sabey?
Lord Brekshire: Remember that I am All Powerfull! Answer my questions truthfully and quickly lest ye provoke my wrath!
Sir Mihail: Stingertooth. Ack! Ack! Blah Blah Blah with teeth! He needum BabySpank Youse guys. Me lookum wimmin
O
()()
LL
.
Me gottem wampum! Me fren. Me no needum BabySpank. Talkum next. Hokay Dokey. Chop Chop.
Lord Brekshire: Well that’s that. Let join the others and wait for their response.